I wanted to take the time to thank you for being so faithful in calling my house, without fail, at 8:01am every morning. Because you are so devoted to me, I no longer have to set my alarm clock and hear that awful BEEP BEEP BEEP that so rudely awakes me every morning. Now when I hear the phone ring, I gently awake from sleep knowing exactly what time it is. Plus, as an added bonus, there is no way to hit a “snooze” button, therefore preventing me from oversleeping. Thank you!

I realize that you must really want to speak to me when you call every 30 minutes, and with so many bill collectors calling at alternating times, it is almost like that game “Simon” I used to play back in grade school. It is actually kind of fun; one calls at 8:01, then another at 8:10, then 8:30 and ooh ohh I wait with anticipation…when and who will call next!

In case you haven’t realized, I am up to date with the latest technology on my phone line; it is called CALLER ID. I have you each memorized; whose phone number belongs to who. One of you tried to get tricky recently by calling with a different number, however I was not so easily fooled. Even better, one of you calls with a phone number that does not show up on Caller ID. I bet you thought maybe you outsmarted me and curiousity would get me to pick up the phone. However, I am one set ahead of you! See, there is this thing called “multiple mailboxes” and it means that now, if it is a really important call…the caller has to press a mailbox number. If you don’t, I know you are a bill collector.

Now, no one enjoys being behind on their bills, but as I have explained to you time and time again, we live paycheck to paycheck and well, you can’t get blood from a stone. Although you are pretty darn close, because your phone calls 100 times a day are enough to give me a headache, at which time I may bang my head repeatedly against a stone and then VOILA!

I do feel, however, that there is something I should bring to your attention. Please realize that when you are calling and you get the answering machine, that it IS indeed doing a little something I like to call Recording. So those things you think you are saying under your breath? Well my nifty little answering machine records them for me. I actually get a good kick out of the things you think I cannot hear. I play them over and over and laugh hysterically. Sometimes, I even play them for a friend and we both laugh, “Did she even just say that??” So please be sure to proceed with caution the next time you call, unless it is your desire to make me laugh.

And lastly, thank you for making your last call at 9:00pm. You have now helped me implement a new tool in my house…you are the “signal” to let my kids know it is lights out. Before being behind on my bills, it was so difficult to get the kids in bed on time! I was ready to call Super Nanny! But you! You have saved me! The kids now call you the “It’s bedtime” call. I truly appreciate you looking out for my family and my sanity.

I look forward to your next call and until then…